No, really: sometimes these things are for the better

I apologize for my unholy hiatus. 

A quick recap of the past few months: I have quit my job (again), I am back at the nonprofit (again), and for some reason, Mr. Fiance has not run from my apparent need to cry about everything (still). 

What to discuss first?  I started this blog talking about the lofty reasons why one must quit a job if it becomes more trouble than they can bear.  This was That, Version 2.0.  Bad relationship with boss.  Felt bullied in the workplace.  Led to increased anxiety and panic attacks.

The common denominator is me?  Don't think I haven't considered it.  That was probably the most stressful thing about it - thinking that I should be able to handle it, and not handling it somehow indicated laziness or bad social skills or some other problem on my part.  But after a lot of therapy and support from friends/family and some AMAZING pills that make it easier to breathe when I can't, I realized that no one can treat me like that, even if I am lazy or socially inept or whatever.  Which I'm not.

So I quit, in somewhat less of a fiery blaze of glory than the last time, but it was still glorious.  I feared ostracism in the Japan community here, but so far I've had no backlash.  In fact, on Day 3 of Funemployment, the NPO I used to work for called me up, and it went a little something like this:

NPO: "Hey, whatcha doin'?"

Me: "Not much.  Lookin' for jobs.  Hanging out with the cats."

NPO: "So our biggest fundraiser is coming up in six weeks, and it turns out we have no idea what to do AND can't use databases.  Would you happen to know about databases?"

Me: "Sure, I'll come in a few days a week and fix all your ish."

I was very glad to have something to do besides Craigslist and kittens.  Secretly, I felt like a superhero, being the one person in the right situation able to assist them with what they need.  They may end up paying me for the work I'm doing with them; one person called me about it today, but I didn't answer because I've been afraid of the phone for the past few weeks.  Irrational?

The first time I stepped into that office and sat down at the computer, all the parts about the job that I loved came racing back to me.  The graphic design, procuring auction items, and DATABASES.  I love a motherfucking database, and I realized that being able to say that without a hint of sarcasm meant I should probably look into some sort of class, or a series of classes.

It's been a few weeks since then, and this Life Plan that I'm developing is constantly in a state of evolution, but here's where I stand so far.  I feel better, mentally, than I did 3 months ago.  I have found some Database Admin certificate programs at local schools and online, and I'm thinking I need to get in on that, as soon as possible.  I've got some sort of income for the next month, and after that, depending on what sort of DBA course I take, I can get a part-time job or something to bring in a little extra cash while I learn what, exactly, SQL stands for.

I have no idea how this is going to pan out.  I worry that going from a fluffly liberal arts education and a background of office assistance to a hard technical career will be too challenging.  Hell, I'm worried that any course I take will be too challenging.  And then I remember that the thought of being a receptionist or anyone's assistant, ever again, makes me want to shoot myself in the head.  And then I go read course descriptions for UW's DBA program, and giggle to myself because it sounds so interesting.  

More on wedding plans later.  I've got my life to think about.